Squall writes...
by Alan Smithee
Summary: Squall decides to write for Selphie's website. (Songfic to


"Ah, I've found you!" Ah, great. Selphie, a.k.a. the One-Girl Resistance to the Garden's war on Crank..."SELPHIE! My favorite non-girlfriend, non-Instructor girl at Garden! So, what's up?"  
"Listen, I sort of...need your help..."  
"If it's about that...*pleasantry*, you said you were going to handle it yourself!"  
"Oh, it's not that. I was wondering...wouldyouwriteapieceformysite?"  
"Oh, that? Sure. It'll give me something to do."  
"YIPPIE!" Finally, she's leaving. "HEY, EVERYONE! I FINALLY BEAT SQUALL INTO SUBMISSION!" Eh, let her have her moment. Oh, shit, I guess she actually expects me to write something. Eh, I'll just put on some music.  
  
(Squall went over to his CD player and pressed play.)   
  
Let's just see where this will go.  
I walked around my good intentions  
"Hi, everyone. I promised Selphie that I'd write her something for her site, so here it is."  
and found that there were none  
As you may have guessed, I'm Squall. Everyone here knows me, but I don't know most of you. This arrangement just kicks more ass than a team of ass kicking ass-kickers."  
I blame my father for the wasted years  
we hardly talked  
"Where do I begin? Well, I was apparently born of a one-night stand between some bar chick and the President of Esthar. He ditched off, and the bar chick died, so that just forced me to have a bunch of 'Imagination Christmases'. Strangely, I was closer to my dad when he showed up in my dreams, which just totally sucks."  
I never thought I would forget this hate  
"As you could probably see by my now-sullied face, I was known to throw down with Seifer, a.k.a. Headmaster Cid's wife's little bitch boy. As everyone knows, you can read more about him at the GardenNet website, 'SEIFER'S HOUSE OF CHOCOBO PORN.'"  
then a phone call made me realize   
I'm wrong  
  
"Squall, how could you?" Rinoa? Why?   
"What did I do wrong?"  
"I heard Selphie talking about how she 'beat you into submission.' What is THAT about?" Does she really...?  
"Lord no! That's just by doing something for her website!"  
"Oh yeah. GREAT alibi. I know you too well, Squall Leonhart. You would never write for her website! You slept with her, didn't you?" Oh, great.   
"Come on! That would never happen!"  
"Oh, I can see it. Both of you SeeDs, travelling around on all of those *missions*, you've probably poked her, right?"  
"Come on! She's just a member of my crew! There is no difference between the way I feel about her than the way I feel about...Zell, for instance."  
Silence. Sweet silence. Now, to write.  
"YOU DISGUST ME, YOU FREAK." What? She thinks...?  
"Come on! Listen! Rinoa..."  
  
  
"If I don't make it known that I've loved you all along just like the sunny days that we ignore because... I can't bring myself to say that to everyone! Just relax! You're the only one for me!"  
"I sincerely hope so. Why would you want her OR him? I mean, you have me! I'm much cuter!"  
"That you are. That you are."  
we're all dumb & jaded  
"Ah. Perfect. Well, I've got to go. Bye!" (Rinoa hung up the phone. "and I hope to God I figure out what's wrong," she thought to herself.)  
  
Ah, back to writing. What the hell do I put in? Eh, let's just see.  
I walked around my room   
not thinking  
"Damn, it's hard to think of something good to write about yourself."  
just sinking in this box  
"I mean, come on! Anyone can fight hundreds of people. It only comes when you have to process everything; the fights, the experience, the entire fabric of your life into something that people will enjoy that proves how much you can say you have for self-worth."  
I blame myself for being too much  
like somebody else  
"I keep reading in history about this one dude Cloud. Quite bad-ass dude, when you hear about it. I wonder if he ever had problems with writers block?  
I never thought I would just  
bend this way  
"Eh, screw it. I'll just hit send. I don't care what Selphie thinks about this. I didn't get the writer gene from my dad..." (Squall hit send as it went toward the site.)  
then a phone call made me realize   
I'm wrong  
  
"WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE LAST PART OF IT?" Ah, yes, it went through. "You get all introspective, dark, and...Squall-like in that part!" Squall-like?  
"You don't ask me to write something and then badmouth the results." Squall-like?  
"Rewrite the last part. Come on, pretty please?" SQUALL-LIKE? What the hell does she expect?  
"Do you really need that? Just cut it off!"  
"Okay. Good idea." YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!  
"Excellent. I hope I made you happy, yes, I know I'm good..." Suddenly, the worst possible time... "SQUALL! I thought I'd come in and see you... Who's that on the phone?"  
"Oh, it's just Selphie asking about my piece for her site."  
"Let ME talk to her." I give her the phone. "So, how WAS Squally's 'writing' for you?"  
"Squall calls that WRITING? HA! I'd call it something MUCH different..." She hung up. Crud. Did you ever get that impending feeling of intense doom?  



End file.
